That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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