she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
