just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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