i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i think my cat just said my name.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
