I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
