You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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