I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
