Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
