a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
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