It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
