my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We need to get me chipped asap
Randomize
