put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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