Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
