Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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