I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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