just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
