Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
