i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
