So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
