is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
