i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I wish you could order shots online.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
