Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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