If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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