in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
me + whiskey = a bad person
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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