I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
