just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
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we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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