im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
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good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
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I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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