Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
