I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
