Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize