Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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