did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
