hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
