But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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