Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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