Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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