It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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