nut hugger
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
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Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
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I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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