Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
