So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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