Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
