He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
