Joe is yelling at the trees again.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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