: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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