I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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