you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
