woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
