barbara walters just said penis...
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize