she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Randomize
