i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
