What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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