Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
