the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
