What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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