did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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