Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
