yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
