Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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