OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
