On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
