My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
