I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
