Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
tell me about the eggs
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
