I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
