That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
