Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
