All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I just had sex on a roof
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
