Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
