well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
